Endure

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:1 NLT)

The word endure is defined as to “suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently”.

Many of us have been enduring. Some endure physical hardships, some endure mental hardships, and some endure because they love a challenge (looking at you, marathon runners). If anything is clear, it is the COVID-19 lockdowns and mandates have caused much difficulty for many people, myself included. I personally have been dealing with mental struggles, even before the lockdowns began 19 months ago. Although I would not say I have endured. Suffered yes, but there was nothing patient about my suffering.

In the middle of last year I was diagnosed with moderate major depression and OCD anxiety. On one hand this was a blessing because I finally knew why I felt the way I did. On the other, I felt broken. Instead of seeking the treatment that I needed, I isolated myself. I quit taking phone calls and ignored texts. I put on a fake smile, the mask, as I have come to call it. This complicated things within my marriage and my ministry because I did not feel genuine. I felt like a fake version of myself, a phony. How could I help others if I was not willing to be helped? I couldn’t. So I made the decision to step away from vocational ministry.

I thought this would give me a break and an opportunity to hit the reset button on my mental state, but all it did was push me further into the darkness. Instead of taking the time to heal, I started to tell myself I was a failure, a quitter. Instead of seeking help, I was sitting in hell. A mental hell of self-doubt and self-loathing. I began to question my faith. Why is God allowing me to suffer? Why is God not answering my prayers? Where are you God?!

Looking back at those moments of emptiness and despair, it’s clear He was with me through it all. God had answered my prayers in the form of doctors and therapists that had gifts of helping people through these times, I had simply refused the help. Just as a person with a broken leg should seek medical attention immediately, so it is with a broken mind. We would not lay in bed praying for a miraculous healing of a broken bone, we should not lay around praying for the same in the case of our mental state. This is not to downplay the importance of prayer. It is my firm belief that it is prayer that has given me the strength to seek help. I am simply saying that God answers prayers through a variety of ways and often through others. In this case those others are doctors.

“Give thanks to him who led his people through the wilderness. His faithful love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:16 NLT)

I feel like I am being led out of the wilderness of my own mind. I am learning what true faith looks like. I am learning what it means to truly surrender to Christ, because if I am honest, I did not want to write this. I did not want to open up about my struggle. Fear and pride have blinded me to the joys that come with following Christ. But I can no longer ignore God or His call.

Being humbled is rarely a fun experience. It causes us to take an honest look at ourselves. And sometimes we don’t like what we see! Although the humbling experience can be brutal, it is always beneficial. Since opening up about my mental struggles, I have found that there are many others that share my same feelings. So many of us are hurting and living with deep mental pain. To those who have shared your struggles, I continue to pray for you, for healing. For those who are living in a private hell of mental anguish, I would say to seek the help you need. It is amazing how better you will feel by simply being open and honest with yourself and with others. You don’t have to continue to live with this burden alone.

“He saved us from our enemies. His faithful love endures forever.” (Psalm 136:24 NLT)

The bible is clear we have a real enemy, not of flesh and blood but of “cosmic powers over this present darkness,” (Ephesians 6:12 ESV). Darkness is exactly how I would describe the place I have been for so long. In those dark times it is important that we hold, not onto our feelings, but to God’s truth. “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” (Psalm 119:105 NLT) Hold fast to God’s word, it is the light that will lead you out of the darkness.

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” (1 John 1:5 ESV).

Seek help, seek God, seek the light.

Blinded by the Light

“Then Jesus told them, “I entered this world to render judgment-to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.” John 9:39 NLT

In chapter 9 of the book of John, Jesus heals a man blind from birth. Most of us would acknowledge this as nothing short of a miracle! The Pharisees on the other hand could not acknowledge Jesus because of their own spiritual blindness. They reasoned that since it was the sabbath when Jesus performed this miracle it could not have been from God, because God doesn’t work on the sabbath and forbids anyone else from doing so under penalty of the law given by Moses. Their legalistic view of God and His commands made them miss a miracle!

I tend to read verses like this in disbelief. How could they see Jesus perform such miracles and still not believe!? They could point out no sin, no action, no word spoken, no ill intention in Christ that would warrant a rebuke, much less the death penalty. And yet, they still could not see Him. They were blinded by legalism, pride, and envy.

In the previous chapter, Jesus is presented with a woman caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees ask Jesus what they should do, since the law of Moses demands she be stoned to death for her infidelity. Jesus reply is simple, “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” (John 8:7). Knowing deep down they had all sinned, they slowly crept away.

As I study the scriptures, I tend to put myself in the position of the one Christ is defending. The woman caught in adultery, the blind beggar, or one of His many disciples mentioned during Jesus earthly ministry. The truth is however, I’m closer to the Pharisees. Too often I stand, rock in hand, ready to fling my judgment on whoever doesn’t measure up to God’s standard. Poised ready to attack all who I deem unworthy to bear the title Christian, simply because they are not following my own code of Christianity. We must be careful that the code we follow is from Christ, not ourselves.

We are all too quick to throw out spiritual rocks at our neighbors, “thou shalt nots” instead of “Christ died for all”. We are called to show the love of Christ, to bring those who are lost in darkness into the light. We are called to be like Christ, to love. We are not called to be legal experts but blind beggars clinging to Christ for our sight, at which when given we proclaim, “I was blind, and now I see!” (John 9:25).

Music Man

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” (Psalm 30:11-12 ESV).

I love music. I usually have some kind of music playing in the background of our home while we go about our daily routine. The type of music depends on time of day, what we’re doing, and the general “mood” of everyone around. It’s interesting to see the different styles of music that my two small children enjoy. My daughter likes to sing and dance to folk and bluegrass while my son enjoys pop and hip-hop (he has recently discovered Lecrae).

King David was also a music man being proficient in playing several different instruments. I’ve found myself spending more and more time in the Psalms, usually starting my quiet time with Psalms and prayer. King David poured his heart out in the Psalms, he held nothing back. He showed us times of praise and worship such as Psalm 9 that starts, “I give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds,” (Psalm 9:1 ESV). Then in the very next chapter sings, “Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1 ESV). King David showed us his highs and lows. Times of rejoicing, and times of trouble. Singing, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him,” in Psalm 28:7, to crying out, “O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath! For your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me,” in Psalm 38:1-2.

God called King David, “a man after my heart, who will do all my will” (Acts 13:22 ESV) yet David still had the ups and downs that come with life. He experienced joy and sadness. Great rejoicing and times of equally great grieving. Times of blessing and times of burden. Yet, through it all, his faith never waivered. His trust in the Lord never ceased.

When I look at the life of King David, the songs he wrote, the life he lived, his blessing and his heartache, it encourages me in my own walk with the Lord. David shows us that as Christians we are not always promised an easy life. We are not always promised that things are going to go our way. But he also shows us how to trust the Lord in those dark times. He shows us that it’s okay to cry out to God in times of need. That just because we experience the hardships of living in a fallen world, our Heavenly Father still loves us.

I pray that you would spend time in the Psalms. Spend time worshiping the Lord through the songs of David. Experience his sadness and his joy. The Psalms are showing me how to walk through difficult times trusting in the Lord. They are showing me how to worship God, how to come to Him with the hard questions in hard times. I promise you, God can handle the tough questions. But most importantly, the Psalms teach to trust the Lord. To truly have faith in Him.

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning,” (Psalm 30:5 ESV).

 

Fish Shaped Tambourine

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” Acts 1:8 ESV

When I think about mission work I usually envision people in a third world country building schools or providing medical aid to people. I envision people living in shacks and struggling to find fresh water. And yes, the occasional fish shaped tambourine. Yet, when I googled the biggest need in the mission field I was surprised at what I found. It wasn’t new buildings, fresh water, or medical aid. Several articles stated that the biggest and most neglected mission field wasn’t in some far away country, it was in our own back yard. Article after article, saying the same thing, we are doing an amazing job at providing a service and spreading the gospel “to the end of the earth,” but have forgotten our neighbors.

One of the last things Jesus says in the book of Matthew is, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt. 28:19). Yes, we are called to reach the world for Christ, but we can not forget about those in the world that live on the same street as us. We can’t forget about the part of the world that we work with or go to school with. In our effort to reach the ends of the earth, we should not forget about those on this earth that we see everyday, our friends and family, our neighbors.

We don’t have to jump on a plane and fly to some impoverished village to be a missionary, you just have to walk out your front door. As Christians, everywhere we go is a mission trip. Schools, the work place, the grocery store, these are our mission fields and we have been neglecting them.

“The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” Matthew 9:37-38 ESV

This is my prayer, that we would take our mission field seriously. That we would realize we are God’s laborers in His harvest and approach our everyday lives with urgency in spreading the Gospel, not just at the ends of the earth but in our own cities and towns as well. That today, and everyday after, we would reach out to those that God has placed near to us and tell them about Jesus Christ.

I Surrender…

When I became a Christian I thought that the battles of addiction would be my biggest struggle. Addiction to booze, drugs, porn, you name it and it was an issue. But that wasn’t the case. My desires for those things simply didn’t weigh as much as I thought they would. My biggest struggle was, and still is, myself. Trying to take my eyes off of myself and focus on Jesus Christ has proven to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. I’m selfish. I’m inconsiderate. I’m impatient. I’m human. The bible says in Luke 9:23 NLT, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily, and follow me.” Jesus calls us to die to ourselves and He calls us to do it daily. This has been weighing on me for a while now. Every sermon I watch, every book I read, every verse, every song, is telling me to surrender. Why is this so hard? If I take a step back and really look at why I don’t just give in to the call of surrender, the answer is simple and heartbreaking. I don’t trust Jesus. I don’t trust the fact that He truly knows what is best for my life. I don’t trust that He WANTS what is best for my life. So many times I will hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me, telling me the next steps I should be taking, but I choose to ignore it. Why? Jeremiah 29:11 NLT says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” The Lord Himself has told us, promised us, that He has plans for good! Why do so many of us refuse to believe this? We believe that He was raised from the dead and will save us from an eternity in hell, but we don’t fully surrender our lives to Him. I have been living a life of partial surrender for too long. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and it has been my stumbling block for long enough! I’m tired of pretending that I know better than God. From now on, and I encourage you as well, I will start my day off with a prayer of surrender. A prayer that will empower me to live out Galatians 2:20, “I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” I surrender Lord, I surrender.